Divrei Torah

27 May, 2006

PDF: Bamidbar

This week’s portion is called Bamidbar, in the desert. Most of the portion deals with a census of the Israelites. The men were counted by tribes; as it says in the Torah “record them by their groups, from the age of 20 years up, all those in Israel who are able to bear arms.” If needed, these men would become a militia and would defend the community. The census only included men capable of fighting, so we don’t know much about the lives of the women, children or the infirm.

The other group that was not counted in the census was the Levites. And I’ll focus my dvar on the role of the Levites, and how it relates to my life.

It is written (verse 48, p. 773)

“For the Lord had spoken to Moses, saying ‘Do not on any account enroll the tribe of Levi or take a census of them with the Israelites. You shall put the Levites in charge of the Tabernacle of the Pact, all its furnishings, and everything that pertains to it: they shall carry the Tabernacle and all its furnishings, and they shall tend it; and they shall camp around the Tabernacle. When the Tabernacle is to set out, the Levites shall take it down, and when the Tabernacles is to be pitched, the Levites shall set it up; any outsider who encroaches shall be put the death’.”

Since the Tabernacle (or Mishkan) traveled with the Israelites they repeatedly had to dismantle it and move it from one location to another. Different clans within the Levites had different roles. Within the tribe of Levites, there were three clans that were assigned different duties in moving and caring for the Mishkan:

For example, in verse 25 on page 780, the Gershonites duties are explained in detail. The Gershonites were in charge of, “The Tabernacle, the tent, its covering, and the screen for the entrance of the Tent of Meeting; the hangings of the enclosure, the screen for the entrance of the enclosure which surrounds the Tabernacle, the cords therof, and the alter – all the service connected with these.”

So, we learn that the Gershonites managed the tent, screen and cloths. The second clan – the Kohathites – managed the ark, altars and other instruments in the Tabernacle. And finally, the Merarites managed the planks, posts, pegs and frame of the Tabernacle.

Meanwhile, Aaron and his sons were assigned the priestly duties of making sacrifices and coming in contact with the very holy aspects of the Mishkan. As you heard earlier, if an unauthorized person touched a holy object, he or she would die. These were VERY defined roles, with severe consequences for people who went outside of them.

Those of us who’ve ever moved homes know it can be complicated. With an Israelite community of over 600,000, there was a value in having an organized system when the Mishkan/Tabernacle was moved. So, all of the specific jobs and roles in caring for the Mishkan were taken care of by the assigned clan. In some ways it appears seamless.

2. Transition

However, I asked myself: did the Levites think about what other roles they were missing out on? These were not chosen careers, the jobs were assigned by God.

I think there is both the honor and restriction in having a specific role. On one hand, these jobs were a huge honor. It gave them status and each job had value; I can only assume that if one plank was missing or one altar wound up in the wrong place, this would have had severe ritual repercussions.

But I also wonder about the times people felt trapped by the roles. Did a person caring for the screens really want to carry the menorah?

3. My personal experience this year with my new role of mother

This brings me to my own thoughts of role and status. Almost a year ago I took on a new role – that of being a mother, and I have experienced both the holiness of parenting, as well as the restriction. I wanted to share my experience with you, to mark the end of Anna’s first year of life, and James’ and my first year as parents.

Becoming a mother was a BIG change for me and my life. I’ve always been good at self-care: Staying home from work when I had a cold, exercising, eating well, sleeping lots. Pregnancy was great for me – lots of time to rest and reflect, and I received so much encouragement to take care of my self. I was carrying potential life, and that role is highly elevated in society.

Once Anna was born , I ceased being that special vessel. I was mostly a tired, stretched person with a very big job, although I was lucky to have a spouse, and many friends and relatives to make the job easier. Over the past year it has been hard for me to balance my role as a mother with my role as a person. Anna had basic needs – being fed, clothed, clean, entertained that I needed to meet. And I had my own basics needs, like eating, showering and using the bathroom as well as higher level needs for my own personal fulfillment.

At times the drudgery of the repeated tasks – such as feeding yet another spoonful of rice cereal – was exhausting. Mothering was not always fulfilling and could be lonely; and that was a huge wake-up call. According to popular magazines motherhood supposed to be amazing and fun.

Talking to other new moms has been the most valuable thing for me, to realize I’m not alone, and all of us go through our own challenges. James and I also had lengthy discussions about gender roles and how our lives had changed since we became parents. At some point we came to accept that we couldn’t be as egalitarian as we’d like to be. It’s hard to be equal when one person is breastfeeding and carrying for baby all day, and the other is working full-time.

Given how challenging parenting is, there were times I wanted to escape my mother role and wished I could trade with James and be at work full-time, and there were times he would have gladly traded roles with me. And I really appreciated time away to do things I had previously enjoyed. These were things that nourished me in a way that being Anna’s mom could not – coffee with a friend, taking a walk on my own, and returning to work – these were positive for me and my sense of self.

But now part of my identity is being a mom. Anna is an energetic, happy person and a huge blessing. And luckily the struggles I’ve had have been juxtaposed with some amazing, holy experiences too. From the day she was born I have watched Anna’s eyes as she takes in the world around her. And watching her learn to smile, her extreme thrill at crawling up the stairs, and the pride in her eyes as she took her first steps last week – those are amazing.

The first time Anna said “mama” was about 3:30 in the morning, on a night when Anna woke me and James up several times. I was annoyed, exhausted, and elated. It seemed to epitomize parenthood – it’s a huge honor and a huge responsibility. When Anna sees me her face lights up in a special way. I’m her mom, and that role is key in both of our lives.

4. Discussion for the group on roles

So for me, I’ve really experienced the benefits of being in a role, and have also felt constricted by it. Perhaps that feeling of being trapped was shared by the Israelites in their assigned roles, perhaps not.

And this brings me back to the portion – certainly our roles and our identities now are much more fluid than in Biblical days. Still, I asked myself how are the roles that we play constricting and how are they sanctifying?

In addition to being a mother, I am a wife, a sister, a cousin, a daughter and daughter-in-law. I am also a professional, a consumer, a volunteer and a member of this congregation and many other groups.

Think about what roles you play. How do your roles elevate you? How do they stifle or restrict you? Can you have the holiness of a role without the constriction of it? In a society where we are so often defined by our jobs, What if your work doesn’t fulfill you? And especially what if your role is parenting or caretaking or something else that others expect you’ll be fulfilled by, but you’re not?

Take a minute to reflect and think about your roles. Then we’ll have about 10 minutes for a large group discussion.